This has been an interesting time, for many reasons. The more we go Into social boundaries, the more I am taught about my own emotional boundaries and how to communicate them.
For me, I really need time alone, and while I am soooo grateful for time with my family and all we have during this time, I’m missing a schedule that fits in time alone for my own things.
Kids have been adjusting to get on a home schedule. I noticed that as I was getting frustrated and communicating “I need space”. It wasn’t resonating with anyone. Some kids were actually talking to me more and hugging me more. I became aware that even with a block schedule and saying I really needed some time alone. I wasn’t breaking down my SPECIFIC needs. Also, some were trying to address my love language of words of affirmation, which was not actually what I was asking for in the moment. So, it was interesting to me the difference between overall love languages and core needs that come through true self-awareness.
To some in my family, alone time means five minutes. So, the term “space” is relative. So, initially, I took it as disrespectful, but really, it comes down to our responsibility to help people understand our specific perspective of a need with parameters.
“I need help sweeping the floor” vs. “I need help cleaning”. “I need 1 hour to myself with no distractions” vs. “alone time or space”
“Let’s decide on specific times during the day when we are doing family activities”
I can’t tell you how many times I haven’t communicated my needs properly or haven’t respected others boundaries due to simple lack of awareness. Words like “quality time”, “support”, “respect”, “romance”, “involvement”, “communication”, etc. aren’t the real needs of people. They are the feeling that comes after the need is met. No one knows what you really need until you know yourself. Discover that.
Embodying healthy boundaries is the key to teaching kids to have healthy boundaries as well. Becoming self-aware, knowing you, and communicating them in a loving and specific way is such a great gift to your whole family.
Take some time to journal about your feelings and needs through this time while your home.